To Those Who Have a Sibling with a Physical Disability

In every family, whatever happens to one member ripples through everyone else. No matter how isolated an experience may seem, it is shared in ways both big and small, consciously or subconsciously.

When a sibling has a disability, that ripple effect can feel like a wave, touching every aspect of family life. For the well-siblings—children growing up alongside a brother or sister with a physical or developmental disability—their experience of childhood and adolescence is deeply intertwined with their sibling’s condition.

Below, we’ll explore the stories of well-siblings who grew up in households where their sibling with a disability shaped their world and discuss the emotional impact and potential benefits that can emerge from these experiences.

sibling with a physical disability playing chess with another sibling

My Younger Sibling, Julia, Has a Lot Going On

Julia had a spinal injury that made her unable to do basic tasks, even brushing her own teeth. My parents told me she had a lot going on, and they weren’t wrong. Although my parents shouldered most of the responsibility, the weight of her care was felt by all of us. Family life became everything: no friends, no weekend plans, no study groups, no life outside of the house. Everything revolved around Julia’s care. When I finally got to college, I realized I knew very little about the world outside my family.”

 

Glows’ Take on This: Many well-siblings report similar experiences. The most commonly reported negative effects include feelings of isolation and social withdrawal, which can contribute to a sense of maladjustment as they enter adulthood. The emotional weight carried by these children often results in a limited social life, as their primary focus remains the family and caregiving responsibilities.

“I Felt Like a Hero Until I Didn’t”

I took care of a lot—laundry, cooking, looking after my brother, who was born with birth defects. My parents worked full-time, so I was happy to help. I enjoyed the sense of responsibility and pride it gave me. I felt like a hero in my brother’s eyes, like I could carry the world on my shoulders for him. But at 16, something changed in me. It felt like a candle in me was blown out. I found myself resenting going home, dreading the weight I once felt proud to carry.”

 

Glows’ View on This: Well-siblings often take on household responsibilities that exceed typical expectations for their age. These children frequently report higher levels of involvement in chores and caregiving activities, which can provide a sense of fulfillment but can also lead to burnout. The internal conflict between feeling pride and later resentment is a common emotional challenge faced by well-siblings.

Marjan’s Daydreams

I was nine years old when I realized that my older sister, who had cystic fibrosis, would never heal completely. I daydreamed often, imagining a day when the doctors would finally show up at our door to tell us she was cured. We’d all go on a road trip to celebrate, something we never did as a family. Eventually, reality sank in. Cystic fibrosis wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was the constant stress in my family. I buried myself in schoolwork to distract myself at school, and when I got home, I played with toys to forget.”

 

Glows’ Take on This: Chronic conditions bring long-term stress to families, and well-siblings often need a support system to help them cope. Whether it’s a sympathetic teacher, a close friend, or a counselor, having someone to talk to is essential. Well-siblings benefit from having a meaningful activity or a trusted person to turn to when the emotional weight of their family’s situation becomes too much to handle.

family going to the park with a physically disabled sibling

Ways to Help Well-Siblings Cope

As a parent, you naturally want to support both your disabled child and their well-sibling. While it’s easy to focus on the child with the disability, it’s important to recognize the emotional needs of the well-sibling as well. Well-siblings often develop healthy coping mechanisms when they have support from a family member, friend, or even a teacher. Open communication, expressing empathy, and providing opportunities for well-siblings to explore their own interests outside of the family unit are key to helping them navigate these unique challenges.

  • Provide Emotional Support: Make it clear to your well-sibling that they can always come to you with their feelings. Creating a space for open dialogue will allow them to express their frustrations, worries, or sadness without fear of judgment.
  • Offer Respite: Encourage well-siblings to take breaks from caregiving responsibilities, even if it’s just for a few hours. Giving them time to enjoy hobbies, sports, or social activities outside the home can help them feel more balanced.
  • Assign Age-Appropriate Tasks: While well-siblings often feel the need to take on a lot, make sure their responsibilities are age-appropriate. They shouldn’t feel like they need to carry the same load as an adult.

This Is Not All Blood and Tears

It’s important to note that growing up with a sibling with a disability isn’t all negative. In fact, with the right emotional support, well-siblings can thrive in ways that their peers might not. Many studies show that well-siblings in families with children who have disabilities often exhibit increased empathy, resilience, and maturity. Their experience can foster a greater sense of responsibility, cooperation, and self-control.

Let Glows Help

As a parent, you might never guess that there’s an entire resource dedicated to supporting well-siblings and their unique needs. Glows offers an innovative solution: an intuitive AI companion designed specifically to provide emotional support and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for well-siblings. Glowria, the AI chatbot assistant, helps well-siblings navigate the emotional ups and downs of their experience with personalized guidance, support, and strategies for managing stress and difficult emotions.

Want to meet Glowria and see how she can help your family? Join us at Glows and give your well-sibling the emotional support they deserve.

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